Scars
by RebelzHeart
Summary: When Sabo first saw Ace cutting himself, he thought that he must have been imagining it. But he wasn't.
1. Realizing

**A/N:** Um. Once again, it's kinda depressing and extremely OOC. Sorry... You can sort of think of this as an extended scene from Depressed, but they're not really related. Though in both fics, there's this one line that I recycled...

When Sabo first saw Ace cutting himself, he thought that he must have just been imagining it... because this was Ace, and Ace was _strong,_ and he would never do something like this, not to himself.

And yet, when the question escaped him, the disbelieving, horrified, " _What are you doing?_ ", he could tell from the look of fear and regret in Ace's eyes that this was real.

"I'm sorry, Sabo." Ace's voice was low... soft and terrifyingly unlike himself.

"Why?" Sabo had heard about this... read books about it, even. But he had never thought that anyone... _especially_ not Ace... (how much had he not know? How _long_? This was sick... so, terrifyingly sick, and he hadn't even realized...) "No... you know what? I don't even care why. Stop it. This isn't okay." _But why are you doing this? Not just to yourself... but also to me? Why can't you trust me? Why don't you_ ever _trust me, you idiot?_

"You don't get it." Ace sounded exhausted.

"I get that you're hurting yourself." Sabo replied angrily, an odd mixture of disgust and sorrow and fury that he allowed his brother to do this (didn't Ace trust him?) welling up inside his throat. "And that's not okay."

"You don't get to tell me what to do." Ace replied, his voice rising defensively.

"I'm your _brother_." Sabo's voice was rising as well, even though he hated yelling at Ace, especially when he looked at the scars marring Ace's arms. He looked away quickly, knowing that he should have been disgusted, but instead just hating himself for not knowing sooner.

"You can't control me." Ace's voice was stubborn, and yet sounded defeated.

"I'm your _brother_!" Sabo was yelling now, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. "I'm supposed to be here for you, and stop you from doing stupid things like this! You're supposed to trust me, to tell me when something's wrong! I'm supposed to _know_ when you get pushed over the edge, I'm not supposed to sit here and watch you kill yourself. I can't control you, but I'm still going to try my best to _keep you alive_."

Ace's face crumbled as he repeated brokenly, "You don't _get it_."

"Then explain it to me." Sabo's voice was firm as he pulled the blade from Ace's hands.

"You won't get it." Ace replied, not even attempting to get the blade back. "You'll think that it's stupid."

"Of course it's stupid." Sabo replied with a roll of his eyes. "But I'm your brother, and I'm supposed to be always here for you."

Ace lowered his eyes, and finally sighed, "It's like... like it hurts so much inside that when you're hurt on the outside, it's a distraction from the real pain. Like when your skin is cut, it doesn't even matter, because inside it hurts so much more."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sabo asked quietly.

"I don't know." Ace averted his eyes.

"You don't trust me." Sabo realized.

"I didn't want to burden you." Ace replied quickly. "I trust you, Sabo... _you're my brother_. Of course I trust you, I just..."

"You didn't trust me with _this_." Sabo's voice was like a ghost, barely there. "You chose this..." He held up the blade, "Over _me_."

"Sabo... it's not like that..."

"It is." Sabo shook his head. "I'm always here for you, you know that, right?"

"I do." Ace agreed. "It's just that... I... I can't stop. I've tried before. But it gets too much, it's just so overwhelming, and I can't, I just need to..."

Sabo examined the blade and shook his head, before cutting a neat slice into his own skin.

Ace's eyes widened. "What are you doing?" He demanded as he reached for the blade. "Sabo, what..."

"For every time you cut yourself." Sabo's voice was eerily calm with resolution as he watched blood begin to drip from his arm. "I'll do it, too."

"You can't..."

"I can." Sabo cut into Ace's protest, still calm with determination, as he reassured his brother, "And so can you."

"I can't." Ace protested weakly.

"You can." Sabo replied. "And you will."

Ace bit his lip, and demanded, "How can you have such faith in me?"

Sabo shrugged. "You're my stupid brother." He replied with a slight laugh. "I know you better than you know yourself. So, I know that you can beat this."

Ace's eyes lowered to the knife in Sabo's hand, before raising his head to peer at his brother. "You're not kidding." He realized.

"Of course I'm not." Sabo replied, a slight smile making it's way to his lips. "You're my brother."

 **A/N:** I'm kinda displeased with this ending, because nothing got resolved, but Ace needs lots of time, and he's going to have reprocussions, and when he stops, it'll be after a lot of change happens. Should I continue this? I feel like I'm probably not the only one displeased with my ending... but I also don't know if any of you actually like it...


	2. Relapsing

Ace relapsed the day that Luffy came along.

Sabo didn't notice at first... Ace had been acting completely normal. Maybe a bit more tense than usual, but still, basically normal.

Then Ace got hit during a fight, and Sabo could tell from the telltale red that he'd relapsed.

"You did it again." He breathed.

Ace turned away. "I got it during the fight." He sounded miserable, as though he already knew that Sabo couldn't be convinced.

"You said that you wouldn't do it again." Sabo hated how his voice was so shrill, almost a whine, but staring at the thin, fresh cut on Ace's arm drained all his energy, and left only numb hatred, though whether it was directed towards himself for letting this happen, or towards Ace for doing this to himself, he wasn't quite sure. "You promised, Ace."

Ace was still refusing to meet Sabo's eyes as he mumbled weakly, "I never _promised_."

"Hand it over." Sabo hated the way that his voice was shaking, and that his stomach churned in anxious anticipation, but he had _said_ what would happen, and he couldn't turn back.

Ace froze. "No." He panicked, his head whipping towards Sabo as his eyes widened in worry. "No, you can't."

"I've got no choice, Ace." Sabo's voice was dry and exhausted... but he kept his hand out in resignation even as Ace shook his head.

"Please, Sabo, I won't do it again..." Ace's words were fast, rushed, stumbling over each other as he stepped back. "I promise this time, I swear."

"Your word's not good enough anymore." Sabo hated how firm he sounded, even as he wrestled the blade from Ace's fingers. "But even if you're not trustworthy, I need to keep _my_ word."

"Sabo..."

He hated how Ace's voice was cracking in fear. _Why does he feel so much for me?_ He wondered angrily, _When he seems to feel nothing for himself?_ "You can't stop me." Sabo's voice was eerily calm now... detached, uncaring. _Doesn't sound like me._ But neither did the way that he slid the blade smoothly across his skin feel like him.

A small, choked sound escaped Ace. "Please, Sabo." He repeated.

"I need you to stop." Sabo replied harshly.

"I will." Ace swore. "Just never do that again."

"You relapsed."

"I won't do it again."

"Do you trust me?"

"I do."

"That's what you said last time."

"I do, Sabo, I do..." Ace's eyes flickered over to Sabo's arm, guilt flashing in his eyes as he bit his lower lip nervously. "I didn't want you to get hurt any more..."

"Then stop." Sabo replied angrily. "Why can't you stop, Ace?"

"It's not that easy!" Ace shouted, before he flinched back and mumbled a soft, "Sorry. That was out of line. It's just... it helps me."

"This is helping you?" Sabo hated how his voice was cracking, so stupidly and weak... but at the same time, the hatred for what Ace was doing and the fear of not understanding why was piling up in a big pile of... he didn't know what this mess was, anymore. But he knew that he hated it. "Why can't I help you?"

"You can." Ace replied quietly.

"But you have to let me." Sabo finished the unspoken thought.

"I'll let you." Ace replied.

"Will you really?"

"I will."

Sabo studied Ace's face, uncertain whether he was telling the truth or not... but for now, he would take it at face value. "Alright. I'll be checking your body every day."

Ace nodded mutely.

"You're going to get better." Sabo vowed. "For sure."

 **A/N:** This chapter was bad. It's more of a setting-up chapter than a chapter-chapter? Um, I decided to continue... but it'll have hapzard updates. Might be short. Might turn into a full blown Ace story. Might still be Sabo centric. Will be ASL-centric, for sure. Sorry for it being so bad...


	3. Improving

**A/N:** Okay, wow, your response was... overwhelming. (In an awesome way that makes me want to hug all of you.) Thanks, guys.

"I want you to live."

Luffy made it sound so simple... his voice was blunt and cool, despite Ace trying to kill him so many times.

Ace's fingers curled into a fist. "You're lying." He whispered. "You couldn't want me to live."

Sabo bowed his head and eyed the ground unhappily. _Why not?_ He wanted to shout. _What's wrong with you being alive?_ But this was a problem that Ace and Luffy needed to sort out themselves. He couldn't intrude, no matter how much he wanted to grab his shoulders and shake all this stupidity out of him.

"It doesn't matter." Luffy's voice was firm in an oddly childish fashion. "Because being lonely is worse than death."

Sabo's head snapped up, surprise fluttering over his features at how this stupid, random _kid_ could understand that... and phrase it so simply, as though it were something that everyone ought to have known. "You think that with Ace around, you won't be lonely?" His voice sounded scratchy and rough, and he idly wondered when he had started to talk like the people of the Gray Terminal. _Not that it's a bad thing._ He mentally corrected himself. _In fact, I ought to be proud._

Luffy turned to stare at Ace, his features even and smooth as he replied calmly, "He's lonely, too, so he understands."

Ace jerked slightly, as though he had been tied to a string that Luffy had just jerked, and he demanded roughly, "What makes you think that?"

Luffy shrugged. "I just know." He replied, simply, confused, as though everyone could tell when somebody else was feeling lonely.

Sabo stood up. "I'm not enough." He conceded.

Ace's eyes flickered over to him, confused. "What do you mean, you're not enough?" He demanded. "You're more than enough, Sabo."

"I'm not." Sabo replied. "Just look at yourself. Do you really think that I'm enough, if I couldn't stop you from..." He trailed off as he glanced at Luffy, and swallowed. "I'm not enough." He repeated regretfully.

"If you're not enough, then there's no such thing as _enough_!" Ace snarled forcefully.

"There is an 'enough', but I'm not it, and we both know that!" Sabo snapped. "You can't stay like this any longer, pretending that you're okay! I'm sick and tired of watching you mess yourself up, isn't the whole world doing that already?"

"I'm not messing myself up." Ace insisted, scowling.

"Yeah, right." Sabo laughed humorlessly. " _Look at yourself, Ace._ "

They both fell silent, glaring at each other, before Luffy cut in with the innocent question of, "Why can't Ace let people help him?"

Ace's eyes flickered over to Luffy and he replied testily, "Because Ace doesn't _need_ help."

" _Everyone_ needs help." Luffy replied. "That's what Makino says, at least."

"Makino?" Ace echoed.

"Sounds like good advice." Sabo agreed as he shot Ace a pointed look. "Doesn't that sound like good advice, Ace?"

"I don't need help." Ace insisted. "Especially not Luffy's. Look at this guy! He's an idiot, and a kid. What could he do to help me?"

"He told you that he wanted you to live." Sabo replied. "Isn't that enough?"

"How is that supposed to help, then?" Ace demanded.

"It reminds you that there are people who care."

Ace glowered at the ground. "I don't deserve to have people care about me." He replied quietly.

"You do." Sabo replied angrily.

"I _don't_." Ace snarled.

Luffy wrapped his hand around Ace's. "Why doesn't Ace deserve to have people care about him?" He asked, childish confusion lining his voice.

"He does." Sabo replied harshly. "He's just an idiot."

Luffy frowned. "Ace, stop being an idiot." He said.

"I'm not an idiot, you idiot!" Ace snapped.

"If you're not an idiot, then why don't you understand how much we care about you and how much you deserve it?" Sabo retorted.

"Because I _don't_ deserve it!" Ace replied angrily.

" _Stop!_ " Luffy cut in, his voice shaking slightly as his hand tightened around Ace's. "Ace, you're important to me. I want you to live, and Sabo really wants you to know that he cares about you. So if you care about Sabo and me, say okay."

Ace opened his mouth to argue, but at Sabo's pointed scowl, cast a defeated look to the ground. "...Okay." He finally mumbled, his voice barely over a whisper.

Sabo smiled in satisfaction, as Luffy gave a laugh of relief.

And suddenly, the scars on Ace's arms almost didn't seem to matter.

 **A/N:** Quick clear up, this is right after the Bluejam incident (the first one, I mean), and Luffy still doesn't know that Ace is a cutter. That'll take place later. Sorry these chapters are short... (and bad, but you guys are still here so I'm assuming that you're okay with bad writing?).


	4. Confronting

"You have to tell Luffy."

Luffy had long since fallen asleep, and Sabo had pulled Ace out to talk.

"No way." Ace's snap response fell out of his lips before he had even started thinking as he frowned at Sabo. "He can't find out."

"He's our brother."

"Which is exactly _why_ he can't find out." Ace retorted. "If he finds out... what if he freaks out, or thinks that I'm a monster and never wants to be with me or what if..."

"It's _not_ going to happen." Sabo cut in with a roll of his eyes. "Luffy's our little brother. He's family, and family is forever."

Ace bit his lower lip. "But what if..." He started nervously.

"It _won't_ happen." Sabo groaned. "Ace, Luffy's not going to hate you just because you have a few scars on your arms."

"That's not what I'm worried about." Ace agreed. "Luffy won't care about scars. But what about _why_ they're there? It just shows him how weak and pathetic I am. What if he thinks less of me? And if he doesn't, if he still cares... he'll _know_. He'll be just like you, always hovering over me, terrified that I'm going to give in to this again, that I can't control myself, that I... that I can't do anything properly, that I'm stupid, or that I'm..." He paused and shook his head. "What if Luffy thinks that I'm too messed up to fix? That I'm too broken to waste time worrying about?"

Sabo scowled. "That will never happen, and you know it. Luffy would never give up on you, and neither would I."

Ace self consciously lifted a shoulder. "What if you're wasting your time?" He asked. "What if you're trying to fix me, and you _can't_ fix me, and I'm just a mess, and you can never _fix_ this? What if you think you can, but you can't, and I'm just wasting your time?"

"You're not." Sabo replied. "You'll never be too messed up for me."

Ace offered him a hesitant smile. "What if Luffy doesn't feel the same way?"

"He will." Sabo promised. "He's our brother."

"Forever and ever." Ace echoed, though he still sounded uncertain.

"So, you're okay with telling him?" Sabo prodded.

Ace shrugged. "Yeah, okay. We'll tell him in the morning."

Sabo offered Ace a relieved smile. "In the morning." He agreed.

 **A/N:** It lives! Sorry for this late update... life turned out to take more time than I had thought, and now updates will be slower than ever. Thanks for your patience. (If you still remember that this story exists, I mean...)


	5. Confessing

**Reply to Anon (Guest):** Actually, I'm planning on writing him with the Whitebeards... but I don't know if I'll actually get that far, since this is just a side story.

When morning came, Ace had long since given up on trying to hide his scars.

"What's he going to think?" He repeated miserably. "It's not that important..."

"Too late." Sabo's voice was sharp as he pulled Ace back from the exit of the treehouse. "He's waking up."

"...Ace?" Luffy's voice was faint as his eyes flickered over to Ace's arms. "Wha-"

Ace's breathing hitched. "I can't do this." He muttered. "Sabo..."

"Who did this to you?" Luffy demanded, already racing forwards and tracing his fingers angrily over Ace's arms.

"Lu..." Ace pulled Luffy's hands away from his arms. "...nobody did this to me."

"Oh." Luffy frowned. "Then they're mystery scars?"

Sabo let out a choked laugh, and replied unhappily, "No, Lu, Ace did this to himself."

Luffy laughed at that. "Why would Ace hurt himself?" He asked, "There's no way that he would do that."

Ace's features twisted in worry, and he pulled away. "Sorry, Lu." He mumbled. "It's true."

Luffy's laugh sounded a little fainter as he pulled Ace closer to himself, and repeated, "Why would you hurt yourself?"

"I didn't know that there were people who cared." Ace replied quietly.

"But you know now, right?" Luffy's voice darkened as he pressed Ace's arm against his chest. "You _get it now_ , right?"

Ace looked away, and repeated the same promise that the had told Sabo, "I won't do it anymore... I promise."

"But you get that we care about you, right?" Luffy persisted, his voice deepening to a growl. At Ace's silence, he pressed on, " _You get it, right?_ "

Ace bit his lower lip. "I'm learning to." He replied softly. "Just... just give me some time, and I'll get it right."

Luffy's eyes swept over Ace's features, as though searching for any trace of a lie, and then he asked, "Promise?"

"Promise." Ace replied.

"Because now you have brothers." Luffy smiled.

"Yes," Ace returned the smile. "Now, I have brothers."

 **A/N:** So... life still hasn't gone away. (cue general unhappiness) Sorry these chapters keep getting shorter and shorter... thanks for reading!


	6. Trying

**A/N:** Happy holidays! Here's my Christmas present to you guys (I hope you like it). Sorry there's no Luffy.

 **Reply to Anon(Guest):** Well, then it's a good thing that there's a chance for you to see it.  
 **Reply to Nothing(Guest):** Never apologize for taking the time to feel compassion for someone. That's what keeps a lot of us alive. I'm glad that you enjoyed the fluff, and thank you for taking the time to review. I'm not unhappy, just feeling a bit guilty for neglecting you guys. Thanks a lot for your review, it was really awesome. (Also, yay! You like Liar, Liar?)

"Have I ever let you down?" Ace asked quietly.

Sabo shuffled uncomfortably, and glanced at the scars littering Ace's wrists. "Yes." He replied awkwardly. "I can't... Ace, I can't."

Ace glanced at his arms, and Sabo could catch the look of self loathing flickering across Ace's features before Ace replied, "I promise, I can control this."

"I can't trust you to do that anymore." Sabo replied, hating the way that Ace seemed so accepting at his answer.

"I get that you can't trust me." Ace replied. "But Sabo, I can do this."

"It's not that I don't trust _you_." Sabo's words tumbled out of his mouth in quick reassurance. "It's this thing, it's whatever seems to be messing with your head. I trust you with my life. Just... just not with your own."

Ace scowled. "Then how can I fight?" He demanded. "I want a weapon, Sabo!"

"The last time that I saw you with a weapon, you were holding it to your head!" Sabo's voice was rising to a shrill shout, filled with fury as he stepped forwards. "You think that I can just hand a weapon to you, nice and easy, after seeing you try to kill yourself? You think that I don't want you to be able to defend yourself with something other than your fists when you get into a fight? But I _can't_ , Ace, I can't _risk it_ , and I hate it, but if you give in to whatever is messing you up..."

He fell silent.

Ace's eyes were wide, and then he looked away. "If I give in to it?" He asked quietly. "Then what?"

"Then I might kill myself, too." Sabo hated how much honestly lined his voice, hated how it was cracking. It felt so weak, and stupid, and lame, but... "You're my brother. If I lost you, if _Luffy_ lost you because of me, if Dadan and that crazy old man and the other bandits lost you, and it was all because I gave you a weapon... I'd never forgive myself." He glanced at Ace. "And then Luffy would lose both his brothers."

Ace seemed frozen. He nodded, and wrapped his fingers around Sabo's hands. "I'll get your trust back." He vowed. "One of these days."

Sabo smiled back, unable to keep the pride from lighting his eyes. "I know that you will." He replied happily. "You're my brother, after all."

And for now, maybe that was all that mattered.


	7. Fixing

**Reply to Anon(Guest):** Um... thanks? Or sorry? I really don't know how to react to this, but I'm guessing that you liked it, so thank you very much.

"I can't protect Luffy."

It was a sudden revelation, one that instantly made Sabo demand, "Why?"

"Because I'm a bad inflem- influ-"

"Influence?" Sabo echoed, a scowl pulling down the corners of his lips. "That didn't stop you from being with him before. What changed?"

Ace lifted a shoulder in a half hearted shrug, and replied quietly, "I... I just can't. I can't be like this, can't be a good brother." His eyes lowered to his arms, and Sabo's eyes narrowed.

"Is this about your scars?" He demanded. "About this mess that you've put yourself in? Because you're not getting yourself out of it that easily."

Ace jerked slightly, his head just barely shaking to the side. "It's... it's not that. Not just that, I mean. You're good with Luffy, you're patient and nice and he likes you. I'm... I'm not a good brother." He pressed a hand against his chest. "We're like night and day. Luffy's always happy and forgiving and I'm... I'm messed up. I'm like this mush of... broken glass, and broken glass can't be fixed, but Luffy's going to keep trying and you're going to keep trying and... and..." He bit his lower lip. "It's never going to work, Sabo, you of all people should know that."

"No," Sabo snarled, "We're never going to give up with you. You're our brother, Ace, we can't just give up on you. You never gave up on me, so why should I give up on you?"

"Because with you, there was never anything to give up _on_!" Ace's voice was rising, desperation roughly lining the edges as he repeated, "There's nothing about you to give up on, you're _perfect,_ you're amazing, you're..." His voice broke off suddenly, and he shook his head. "You're everything that I can't be." He mumbled.

Something thick rose in Sabo's throat, and he could feel his face heating up as he snapped, "So what if I'm everything that you can't be?" He snapped, hating how he was yelling at Ace _again..._ (he had already yelled at Ace about a million times this week, he was sick of getting mad, sick of feeling so frustrated, just so sick with _everything_...) "Why can't you get it through your stupid, thick skull that you're worth so much more than you think? Yeah, maybe you're broken, and yeah, maybe you're screwed up, but so what? You're my brother, and obviously you're not me, but so what? You're perfect being who you are, broken mess and all, and if you can't understand that, then I..."

He trailed off awkwardly, feeling all the fury wound up inside him fade away like a ghost.

Sabo shook his head, his voice quiet as he continued, "...then I swear, I'll _make_ you understand. We're brothers."

Ace bit his lower lip, and nodded, "Sorry, Sabo."

"I've told you this a million times before." Sabo muttered, his voice rough and filled with faux fury.

"I get it." Ace nodded.

"Besides," Sabo nodded at the small figure perched behind a nearby tree. "If you want to leave Luffy, you'll have to talk about it with him, first."


	8. Reassuring

Ace blinked, and tilted his head to peer around the tree. "Lu?" He called out quietly.

There was a moment of shuffling, before Luffy stepped out from behind the tree, hands folded over each other, head bowed. "You're leaving me?" He asked quietly, voice crackling in an attempt not to cry. "You... you're not going to stay with me?"

"No, Lu, that's not..." Ace's throat tightened, and he found his way to Luffy in a few short strides. "I'll never leave you, Lu, promise."

Luffy glanced at Ace's arms, his eyes flickering over each scar, and asked softly, "You sure?"

Ace couldn't shove back the feeling of guilt- _you stupid idiot, you tried to_ shoot _yourself, of course he would be scared-_ and though he had intended to laugh it off, he found himself pulling Luffy into his chest and muttering, "I promise. Even death couldn't keep us apart."

Luffy buried his face in Ace's shoulder, small arms wrapping around his neck for a moment, before he pulled back, and smiled brightly. "I found this super cool rock, Ace!" He beamed, pulling out a rough gray rock from his pockets.

Strangely enough, a laugh bubbled it's way from Ace's lips as Luffy babbled on as though their previous conversation hadn't been so serious, the tension dying away.

"It's all sparkly and whoosh! I found it in the water, and I almost got eated, but I didn't, because I hit it with another cool rock, but I wanted the rock, but then I didn't- but I wasn't scared, because Pirate Kings aren't scared!"

"Eaten." Ace could hear Sabo mutter under his breath, but Sabo said nothing out loud to Luffy (because Sabo had always thought that Luffy's way of butchering words was adorable "Unlike you, you're just stupid." he would add teasingly), and instead stooped down to help Luffy search for more 'awesome rocks'.

Ace crouched down as well, fingers fluttering over the rocks and brushing away moss idly, before his hands bumped into Sabo's. Frowning, he glanced up at Sabo. "What's up?" He asked quietly.

Sabo's features looked strangely old in that moment, eyes lowered, the corners of his mouth tight and twisted to the side, his nose crinkled like it always did when he was deep in thought. "You'll really never leave us?" He asked quietly.

"Of course not." Ace offered Sabo a crooked smile. "We'll always be together."

"You sure?" Sabo asked quietly, his voice cracking slightly. "What if I'm a liar? What if Luffy leaves, would you still be with me? What if it gets too much for you, what if..."

" _We'll always be together_." Ace repeated, voice firm as he wrapped his hands around Sabo's. "We're brothers."

Sabo stared at Ace's hand, his brow still furrowed, still biting his lower lip nervously, before he hesitantly squeezed Ace's hand, and agreed, "Always."

 **A/N:** I know, I took a while. Sorry. Hope you enjoyed it, though. (Also, sorry for dabbling in random fandoms. I couldn't resist.)


	9. Helping

**Reply to Anon(Guest):** Thanks. Any specific part of it that was cute, or is it just all cute?  
 **Reply to DD(Guest):** Thanks! Yeah, Luffy is the sweetest. I feel bad for Ace too, but he's getting better. Do you really want me to spoil what will happen to Ace when Sabo 'dies'? What are you thanking me for? I ought to thank you for taking the time to read.  
 **Reply to Guest:** Well, thank you very much for reading this. (At the risk of sounding arrogant, but I'm honestly just curious...) Is there any particular reason that you wanted to thank me?

He eyed Ace, before swinging upside down from his position on the tree. "So what if you're broken?" Sabo asked wryly. "We're all a little broken."

"But I'm unfixable!" Ace snapped, fingers unconsciously rubbing against his wrists. "You and Luffy are so sure that you can fix me, but you know what I am, you know that I'm..."

"That you're human?" Sabo cut in, raising an eyebrow. "Ace, every part of the human body... other than teeth... can fix itself, and from what I can tell, you're human, so you can be fixed."

"Teeth are unfixable." Ace pointed out stubbornly, arms crossed over his chest. "You just said that. So what if I'm like teeth? What if when I get broken, I can't get fixed?"

"I never said that teeth are unfixable." Sabo swung back up into a sitting position, then curled forwards and reached up for the next branch, leaping onto it with a hesitant landing. "I just said that they couldn't fix themselves. Teeth need help, but with help, they can be fixed." He grinned down at Ace as he pulled an egg from a bird's nest, and tossed it down, unable to keep the smugness from seeping into his voice. "Just like Lu and I are going to help you."

Ace caught the egg deftly, somehow managing to keep it from cracking as he fumbled with it midair. "What if I'm not human, then?" He asked quietly, turning the egg over as Sabo shimmied down the tree trunk.

"Well, you don't look like a bird or a worm." Sabo laughed as he plucked the egg from Ace's fingers, "So what else could you be?"

Ace's shoulders lifted in a shrug as he pushed his fingers into his pockets, eyes lowering, "I dunno." He replied, voice dulling. "Just..."

"A demon?" Sabo knelt down to pick up a berry. He rubbed it lightly against his shirt, and then handed it to Ace before taking another one to eat himself. His voice had darkened, cool yet angry. "Like how they say in the bars?"

Ace nibbled at the berry's skin, sucking the juice out hesitantly. "...Maybe." He admitted.

Sabo laughed, though it sounded forced, strained. "Ace, if you were a demon, then you'd have fire powers or something." He bumped his shoulder against Ace's a light laugh escaping his lips. "Then maybe you'd be more useful with cooking the food, hm?"

Ace flushed, "That was _one_ time!" He snapped, "I didn't know that fire could _spread_!"

"You burned down the whole _hut_!" Sabo snickered, a more genuine sound this time, as though he couldn't quite help himself. "Talk about clumsy."

"Oh, like you have a right to judge me." Ace huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "If I recall correctly, _you_ didn't even know that food had to be cooked when we first met!"

Sabo's face turned as red as Ace's at that, and he retorted, "I didn't know! I always was just given..." He cut himself off, eyes widening as his blush crept across his face and onto his neck. "I... I never cooked myself."

"You always were just given food that they found in the trash?" Ace prodded, pulling a few more berries off of the bush and cupping them in his hand. "Hey, do you think that we can use these to lure a bear?"

Sabo peered distractedly at the berries, "Yeah," He nodded, seeming relieved that they weren't talking anymore about his lack of ability to cook in the past. "Bet we can get a big one, too. These kinds of berries are really well liked by bears."

"Perfect." Ace grinned, an odd sense of relief that they weren't talking about him anymore swelling up in his chest. "I bet that I can take a bear down faster than you!"

"No way!" Sabo laughed, and with that, the tension seemed to be gone.

 _Maybe I am fixable_. Ace thought, _Just like teeth._

 **A/N:** Sorry for the late chapter? And nothing really happened either, but I thought that it was kind of important that they kept coming back to this. Repetition can be helpful for when someone doesn't believe that they're worth anything. Anywho...


	10. Addicting

_No, no, no,_ no!

Swearing as he pushed a piece of cloth against his wrist, Ace shut his eyes.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid...!_

Cracking his eyes open, his eyes flickered down to the blood seeping through the cloth.

This was so dumb.

He was so dumb.

Sabo had _told_ him, he'd already been warned, now if Sabo found out, then Sabo would...

Biting his lower lip, Ace lifted the cloth gently to peer at the fresh cut on his arm. _Why did I relapse_ again _?_ He swept away the last bits of blood and bandaged it. _Maybe if I wear a long sleeved shirt... but I never wear long sleeves, not when it's this hot... Sabo will be suspicious..._

He hated the feeling of relief swelling up in his chest after he had done it. Picked up the dagger, pulled it through, cleaned the blood. It had been so _easy_...

Ace let out another long line of swear words as he dipped the cloth into the river and rubbed the edges together in a futile attempt to clean off the blood.

 _Why won't it wash off?_ He rubbed it a few more times, before giving up and throwing the cloth down, a few more swear words escaping his lips.

How was he going to hide this?

His eyes flickered over to the bandage on his arm.

Sabo wasn't dumb. He'd want to see the injury for himself...

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid...!_

Ace pressed his forehead into his hands.

 _Why can't I just_ stop _?_

This was supposed to be easy, he was supposed to be able to stop, just like that, it wasn't supposed to be so easy to just...

He wondered if it was possible to get addicted to this.

 _Doesn't matter,_ he thought, closing his eyes. _Aren't I already in too deep?_

 **A/N:** Yeah, so it's kind of short, but Ace can't help but relapse, and this was needed, so... do you guys think that Sabo should find out?


	11. Lying

**Reply to Guest:** Great to know that you think that Sabo should find out, because I'd already made up my mind and was a bit worried that you guys wouldn't approve. Thanks for taking the time to read and review!  
 **Reply to Guest:** Alright, thanks. I'm going to get him to tell Sabo (as you can tell from this chapter), or maybe Luffy will tell him.  
 **Reply to Unknown 3:** Nice to hear from you again! I'd rather not deal with Luffy seeing Sabo doing it, since I'm not into drama. But yeah, Sabo's definitely going to find out. I think that Luffy's going to tattle on Ace.  
 **Reply to Guest:** I'm sorry that you're sad, and I understand that sadness. However, I wanted to express how in real life, this would happen.

* * *

"We have to tell Sabo." Luffy's voice was firm, oddly stubborn about doing what he had been told to do.

"No, no, no." Ace paced worriedly, head in his hands, eyes glued to the floor. "Lu, don't tell Sabo, you _can't_ tell Sabo, we're not going to..."

He stopped pacing as Luffy placed a small hand on his elbow, eyebrows drawing together... whether in fear or worry, Ace wasn't quite sure. It was a bit odd, seeing that expression on Luffy's features, when he was usually so carefree. "But you're hurting yourself, and I can't fix you alone." Luffy's voice was painfully childish, honestly bleeding into it like water on a shirt. "I need help, Ace."

 _You need help._ Ace almost wanted to laugh at that, at the mere ridiculousness that it was Luffy, not _him_ , that was messed up.

Instantly, he tried to get rid of the thought, tried to focus. "You're doing a fantastic job of being a little brother, Lu." Ace whispered, hating how his heart was clenching in his chest, how his brain felt like it was about to burst. "You're amazing."

"I'm not," Luffy's childish voice sounded so oddly serious, so different from his usual self. Ace cast a glance at Luffy, who was staring at his scars. "Would you have ever told me? If I hadn't caught you, if I hadn't seen you trying to clean the knife... would you have..."

"Of course," Ace lied, hating how his throat was tightening, the little whisper of _Liar liar, pants on fire_ singing in his head.

Luffy stared at him, a long, hard look that didn't quite fit on his face, and then he shook his head, eyes wide and lips tight, "You _wouldn't_ have." He wrapped his arms around Ace, fingers tightening into fists around Ace's shirt, face burying itself into his shoulder. "Why are you so _stupid_ , Ace? Why didn't you _tell_ us? Why did you do this, why are you _doing_ this, are you going to do this again, why would you..."

The rest of his words shattered into incoherent sobs as Luffy's grip around Ace tightened, as though he could hold him in that moment and make Ace stop.

"I'm sorry." Ace closed his eyes, wishing that he really felt that way, wishing that, for Luffy, just this once, he could be honest and truthful and Luffy would just _know_ that everything would be perfect. _I'm such an awful brother._ "I won't do it again, I swear."

"That's what you told me." Stepping through the foliage, Sabo fixed Ace with a dark scowl. "I've been looking for you two. Dadan said that you've been missing all day, so I thought you were hunting, but _this_ is what you've been doing?"

Ace shook his head, trying to ignore the way that his head was screaming _nonono_ , "Sabo, this isn't..."

"What it looks like?" He'd never heard Sabo's voice so angry and cold before. "Then, pray tell, what are you doing?"

Ace shook his head, mute and too tired to lie. "I'm sorry," He repeated, wishing that for a single minute, that it would be _true_.

"You're never sorry." Sabo shook his head, bowing his head down to his hands, chewing on the inside of his cheek, nervous and unsure. "How do I make you stop, Ace?"

Ace lowered his chin to rest it on Luffy's shoulder, and tightened his grip on Luffy, wanting the world to just fade away as he pressed his forehead into Luffy's neck. "I don't know." He whispered, honest and wanting to lie but still tired, and a little bit sick of playing this game of cat and mouse. "I don't know if I can stop."

"You will!" Sabo thundered, before he shrank back, eyes closed, features tight and weary. "You _will_." He repeated, voice small and forced, as though he thought that saying it enough might make it true. "You have to."

"Alright." Ace tipped his head back and closed his eyes, feeling oddly trapped but still comforted when Luffy's grip tightened again. "I will."

He wished that it would _feel_ true.

 _Liar, liar,_ his head sang, and, really, how could he argue?

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm baaack. Kinda. Maybe. (As you can see from my new fics.) Um, I'm sort of just dipping my feet into the fanfiction ocean, so I don't know if I'll dive back into it fully. But for now, update?


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